I like Bro-Trucks, sort of…

"KB Garage" (kb-garage)
11/18/2013 at 17:35 • Filed to: None

“Sorry about your penis.” Really? Hey, don’t be sorry. Your mom doesn’t seem to complain. I’m just kidding; she complains all the time. I would come up with a mature response, but I am not mature. Since, that’s out of the way, let’s move on to the subject at hand.

Jalops are the 1% that still care about what they drive and can generally appreciate a wide variety of vehicles. I too appreciate all kinds of transportation. But I fall into an even smaller sub-category of Jalops that has a no longer secret appreciation for bro-trucks.

Living in the south, trucks are everywhere. It’s fantastic. In a recent study that I made up about southern states, 50% of vehicles on the road are full size trucks and SUVs. There’s no angry Prius lady around to chastise us for warming her globe. We out number her large, self-righteous posterior, so it’s common place to spot the not-so-elusive bro-truck.

I am not a big fan of buying a brand new truck with a lift and tires already installed, and using it to drive to and from work only. Yes, I realize that is exactly what most guys who own bro-trucks do, and I’m guessing that’s why they garner so much hatred from the enthusiast community. I do not agree with this methodology, but who am I to tell you what you should or should not drive? Does driving a V10 truck that has never seen anything other than pavement make you happy? More power to you. ‘Murica! But…

I am an advocate of getting that truck off the pavement. What? Your lifted truck is two wheel drive? You’re not off the hook either baja-bro. Am I suggesting you take your baby off the pavement and bury it in mud up to the windows? Yes, absolutely. At least once.

If you suspect you may have four wheel drive, look for the lever, knob, button or broomstick handle labeled “4H” or “4L.” Yes, I’ll wait while you consult your owner’s manual to figure out how to properly engage it. Find ‘legal’ unpaved area and go.

Going off-road is a fantastic way to make some memories with friends of either gender. But switch it up every now and then so you’re not a complete walking cliché (read: douche). It’s called a bro-truck for reason, bro. There’s nothing worse than seeing your rolling sausage factory perpetuating the stereotype and making me look like an idiot for attempting to defend your ride.

Turn down the rap metal, roll your windows up, and hit the trail. There’re so many options from mudding or mud riding or bogging - depending on which beer you drink - rock crawling, or even just doing some basic wheeling on trails. I’ve spent more nights than I care to remember in my underwear with a shovel digging myself out of a mud hole I was positive was only this deep. I’m not sure why I was in my underwear, but I digress.

But KB, you might say, I don’t have a winch to pull myself out. Well, it’s not my fault you spent fifty grand on a brand new truck and somehow forgot to spend a little more on a winch. KB, none of my friends will come pull me out when I’m stuck at two in the morning. It’s because you’re a terrible person and keep hitting on their girlfriends. Stop doing that, and get new friends. KB, I don’t want to scratch my paint. face palm They make buffing compounds and other products that will help reduce this. Scratches give it character, and since you have none, fool others into thinking you do.

So, being a smaller percentage of an already small percentage isn’t always fun. It’s never the popular opinion. Isn’t that what being a jalop is all about? No? I see you’re readying the pitchforks and torches. I'll show myself out.

DISCUSSION (67)

davedave1111 > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 17:39

I like proper lifted off-road trucks as vehicles, when they're done right. I like Unimogs, too. I wouldn't drive either on the road without good reason, though. (Driving to or from somewhere you'll use it is a good reason.)

If you can afford a big lifted truck for the weekends, you can afford some kind of sensible DD too.

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 17:40

Actually, the amount of mud in and around the truck pictures and this quote right here:

Kind of nullifies the Bro truck stigma. In fact you're pretty much right all along the write up too.

dogisbadob > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 17:41

I'd love a 90s diesel Suburban with barn doors

KB Garage > davedave1111
11/18/2013 at 17:41

Your logic is sound. Agreed.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 17:42

Offroading trucks, 135355356 country songs can't be wrong.

KB Garage > Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif
11/18/2013 at 17:45

Lol yes.

Team6.1 > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 17:45

Living in north florida aka south georgia aka the deep south, I too grew to like giant lifted trucks. Trucks so lifted there were a set of springs, then a metal plate, then another set of springs, then the truck. Even if you just drive to bog to watch, or take it hunting or camping good on ya. If your truck has a 12" lift and giant rims with low pro tires to be a parking lot queen gtfo

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 17:47

Another thing worth pointing out is that, dependind where you live, a lifted truck might come in handy. Take this picture, for example, of my hometown during last week's floods:

Kinja'd!!!

Or this one:

Kinja'd!!!

Or this other one:

Kinja'd!!!

Well, I think you get the idea.

KB Garage > Team6.1
11/18/2013 at 17:48

Your comment reminded me of this.

davedave1111 > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 17:49

Damn. I just realised I want a lifted bro-kei-truck. One of these:

Kinja'd!!!

Of course, once it's lifted more than about six inches, the centre of gravity will be higher off the ground than the width of the wheelbase. It'll fall over if you sneeze on it wrong. Then again it's so light that by the time you've got a big set of beadlock mud tyres on there, you'll have 90% of the weight in the wheels.

I'll need a sensible daily driver, though, so I'll also have a lowered one. Mid-engine, rear wheel drive, what's not to like.

Of course, both of them will need engine swapping. But you can treble the stock power if you swap in a 1.5l n/a diesel, so you've got a pretty wide range of choices.

KB Garage > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 17:52

Kinja'd

Milky > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 17:57

I'm from northern Michigan aka the south of the north, confederate flags and all. So I grew up with rednecks and lifted trucks, and I went off road with them A LOT in my Jeeps. I have zero problem with their vehicles.

However I don't qualify those as "bro-trucks" because they are used for their intended purpose. On the flip side I see far too many trucks in metro Detroit that are spotless and clearly don't see any dirt. These are the people that roll coal and suck at life.

KB Garage > Milky
11/18/2013 at 18:01

It would be like being married to a model. Okay a slightly plus sized model, but you know, a model nonetheless... And then making her sleep in another room. Always looking, never touching. It just makes no sense.

Anon > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 18:01

I'm from southern Louisiana. It don't get any more southern than here. I will say that I'm not a big fan of lifted pickup trucks because most of the time it's for show and I've never seen a bit of dirt on them. However at my campus there is an eighties Toyota pick up that is beautiful! It has scratches on it everywhere from running against branches, fading paint, but the thing just looks like it could kick any trail's ass! I nicknamed it Chuck Norris.

offroadkarter > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 18:05

I usually don't refer to it as a brodozer unless its a newer lifted pickup on 20's or something. Usually they are lifted rams or powerstrokes.

When I see a 20 year old chevy lifted on bald super swamper TSL's with a glasspack exhaust and a rattle can black paint job, I usually just think "white trash" instead of "brodozer"

CAR_IS_MI > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 18:06

Please stop confusing Bro-trucks and proper built off road vehicles.

its a plague. It's like saying the Prius and the Miata are one in the same; because hey, they both drive on the street right?

Actually, I'm going to go make a PSA about this. BRB.

Paul, Man of Mustangs > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 18:08

As the owner of an F-150 4x4 with brush guard and fog lights, I do make at least some effort to go down logging roads every so often. I'd like to make a camping excursion to Eastern Washington, somewhere in the desert down some trails. It'd be a good excuse to do some off-roading.

KB Garage > CAR_IS_MI
11/18/2013 at 18:13

Duly noted.

E30Joe drives a Subaru > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 18:14

I love cars of all sorts.

I love bro trucks because they are pretty functional and look real tough and A Dmax/Powerstroke/Cummins can make stupid numbers. Here's some cool "bro" trucks. (I love bagged trucks and will probably own one some day)

Kinja'd!!!

KB Garage > davedave1111
11/18/2013 at 18:16

Now you've peaked my curiousity as these can be had fairly cheap. And there's not much sheet metal to worry about modifying. A nice sport bike engine could probably liven that thing up a bit.

KB Garage > CAR_IS_MI
11/18/2013 at 18:17

I was merely attempting to encourage our fellow brethren with the 2014 silverado, ram, f-150, etc. to venture off road.

The lede image is mine (or was).

Birddog > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 18:20

Kinja'd!!!

If it has mud on the tires it ain't a "bro truck"
I may be a bit biased though..

KB Garage > E30Joe drives a Subaru
11/18/2013 at 18:24

I know it serves absolutely no purpose and is somewhat useless, but I have not seen a bagged dually I didn't like.

Mattbob > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 18:27

I don't ever consider a muddy truck a bro truck.

davedave1111 > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 18:28

A sport-bike engine is serious overkill. The whole thing weighs about the same as a heavyish bike.

Oh, I just looked it up and the stock engine is half a Goldwing engine :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honda_E_e…

A massive 27.5 horsepower. And you know it's low-powered when they include the half horse in the stats...

If you want to completely replace the suspension with something suitable, you could do some very interesting things with one of these, but you could also have a lot of fun putting a bit more power through the stock setup. The hard part is finding an engine that doesn't have too much power. Hell, even most VW Beetle engines have dangerous amounts of power for that chassis.

I nearly bought one last summer, but I was scuppered by insurance. Otherwise, I was planning to drop one of these in:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PSA_TU_en…

1.5l n/a diesel from a Peugeot 106 (and relations). About 56bhp and 70lb/ft doesn't normally sound like a lot... They're available practically free from junkyards, and there're basically no electronics to worry about so the swap's simple as anything.

And then for the full bro-truck effect, make it roll coal.

Milky > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 18:29

Great analogy, I completely agree.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 18:33

I have a Land Rover Discovery with a 2 inch lift, brush gaurds, skid plates and 32inch MT/R's. I beat the piss out of that thing off road so there isn't anything wrong with a truck that has been lifted within reason. Also Lifted truck does not always mean bro truck. Bro truck is a truck with a lift that makes it unsafe to use off road.

CAR_IS_MI > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 18:37

I hope we don't have any bro-bros on here, if its not going in the dirt, don't lift it up. I don't want to have to break out the pitchforks and torches.

KB Garage > Mattbob
11/18/2013 at 18:42

Yes, I probably should have clarified and said "this is what your bro truck should look like on occasion."

And I realize my old tahoe doesn't best fit the description, but it's an image I had on hand and hey, it's my first post.

Mattbob > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 19:01

well, welcome, and good first post.

E30Joe drives a Subaru > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 19:12

It actually is great for towing (obviously hard parking ride height is not used, but it can be.) You can lower the truck a little while towing on the highway to increase aerodynamics and it can act as a self leveling suspension when towing a heavy 5th wheel.
A little knowledge not a lot of people know about air suspension.

Mattbob > E30Joe drives a Subaru
11/18/2013 at 19:13

haha, "Dmax" exactly.

iLikeCarsAndSkiing > KB Garage
11/18/2013 at 21:42

I would say I am in your subgroup of Oppositelock. Looking for my next car and genuinely want a 135i because RWD, small, 300 HP, and fun, but a Jeep Wrangler is always glued to the back of my mind. It is so easy to build one up and make it your own, but then I will miss the small car when I'm not playing off-road. In a perfect world I would buy both, but money is sorta an issue...

KB Garage > iLikeCarsAndSkiing
11/18/2013 at 22:07

You are in my subgroup. I literally went to two dealerships this weekend. Jeep and BMW. I want a wrangler unlimited which apparently holds it value better than the damn space shuttle. The 135 is also a favorite of mine. Finding one (in three pedal form) near me is next to impossible. I'm going to have to venture to Dallas or Houston.

iLikeCarsAndSkiing > KB Garage
11/19/2013 at 12:42

I am having the same issue. Been looking for months now and if there are and 135i's, they are convertible or automatic.... sucks. Maybe that is a sign to get a jeep

KB Garage > iLikeCarsAndSkiing
11/19/2013 at 12:48

Yep. There are only six within 250 miles of me.
So, on the other hand, that Willys on the FP is definitely not bad looking. Not sure it's deserving of the Willys title, but hey, it could be worse I suppose.

xx45xx > KB Garage
11/19/2013 at 13:18

there are several different categories of bro truck. you got 4x2s running lift and giant tires and wheels, youve got econobros who make their gas truck look like a diesel, with stacks, just because they want to look rich, youve got overbuilt overpriced sema style trucks with supposed but never proved capabilities, then you have lifted trucks with upgrades geared towards performance rather than appearance. and those we have to respect.

iLikeCarsAndSkiing > KB Garage
11/19/2013 at 21:31

Might pull the trigger on this: http://cincinnati.craigslist.org/cto/4109264769… but I know when I do, the perfect 1er is gonna pop up somewhere near me.

KB Garage > iLikeCarsAndSkiing
11/19/2013 at 22:26

I am not sure how familiar you are with the 3.8 but it's sort of gutless (based solely on my opinion when test driving) and has oiling issues (according to a relative who is a certified tech for Chrysler). The 3.6, which started in 2012, is supposedly a much better option. And I don't know if you checked out that Willys on Jalopnik today, but if the MSRP holds true, it would be a much better option for you based on what your looking at.

That seems like a lot for a used 2 door. Just please do your research and test drive one or two before pulling the trigger. If you're like me, you're not going to be satisfied with that 3.8. There's a reason they changed it, man. Just trying to look out for a fellow oppo "bro."

If you ignore the random advice of some guy online, then please just let me know what you think about the 3.8. Happy hunting.

iLikeCarsAndSkiing > KB Garage
11/21/2013 at 10:17

I actually just heard about that on a few forums! Thanks for the advice...I guess that one's off the list now. I did see the Willy Jeep, and that is pretty cool. I would rather buy used though so I'm going to keep on looking and if a 135i pops up, I will probably go for that. Thanks man for the advice I will definitely consider all of it/let you know what I end up doing.

945T > KB Garage
11/23/2013 at 16:12

I secretly miss my old GMT400 GMC Suburban. I owned it briefly one glorious summer and sold it too quickly. On traffic jam the video for Kasabian, Re-Wired a few months back had me jonesing for it. I also meant to put bullhorns on it but was never willing to make the 2 hour drive for some on craigslist since it was a fuel pig.
Memories

noworries > Anon
11/23/2013 at 16:53

Truck Norris surely

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > E30Joe drives a Subaru
11/23/2013 at 17:01

The bagged F-150 with raptor fenders is sick. Easily my favorite bagged truck at SEMA this year.

dataPOG > KB Garage
11/23/2013 at 17:34

Kinja'd!!!

This isn't a bro-truck though. That's a mudder/off-road truck.

This guy is a bro-truck -

Kinja'd!!!

This confounds me though -

Kinja'd!!!

Alex-H > E30Joe drives a Subaru
11/23/2013 at 18:04

and bagged trucks are also easier to unload because bed is closer to ground

KB Garage > dataPOG
11/23/2013 at 18:14

Lol Yes, I realize my old 'hoe does not fit the stereotype. This article was to encourage those with bro trucks to make them look more like the image up top. "At least once." But I did a terrible job expressing that because apparently I "drink too much" and should "pay more attention," or so I've heard.

Also, kudos to you, sir. I know I saw someone on here ask if gulf livery ever looks bad on a vehicle. The general consensus was "no," but congratulations inspector gadget, you found the only vehicle on the planet which looks awful in that paint scheme.

KB Garage > dataPOG
11/23/2013 at 18:16

Kinja'd!!!

Also, to reiterate my point about the gulf livery themed H2.

terrencel > BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion
11/23/2013 at 18:47

Where is this? You're in Brazil, right?

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > terrencel
11/23/2013 at 18:51

Yup, I'm currently living in Porto Alegre the state's capital, but that's my hometown of Carazinho, just over 300 km north. Or rather, the outskirts of the town, not that Carazino is a large place to begin with, but it's not that bad on the main streets.

dataPOG > KB Garage
11/23/2013 at 23:08

Well, you see, the image you used makes my red neck hairs tingle and stand on end...the Red Neckness is strong in that photo.

EDIT - That livery might look good on a Hummer, but not that Hummer. It far to clean. It might work then, but only dirty, like hooning in giant mud puddle dirty.

elmer91 > KB Garage
11/23/2013 at 23:43

Cannot agree more. I love the look of a "bro truck", but most of them have never seen 4x4 except in the winter time. The biggest one that kills me is the Jeep Rubicon. There are multiple ones at my school, bone stock. Probably never seen an ounce of mud in its lifetime. Why buy a Rubi if you wont USE it. Jeep make offroad capable from the factory for a reason.

falcodorewhore > KB Garage
11/24/2013 at 01:58

...I have to admit I have a soft spot for a bro'ed truck or SUV, whether it's been lifted or whether it's been bagged. I don't care if it would get bogged if an ice block melted on a paved road, there are just awesome. It's a guy thing...

In Australia, they are just about always Japanese (Nissan Patrols in particular), but Toyota HiLux is also a popular choice. I sometimes think about getting an early '00s Patrol wagon with the barn rear doors, in white, tinted windows, with a lift and big chunky mud tyres and put a 6.5l Chev V8 turbo-diesel in it (a popular conversion).

American pick-ups and SUVs are like crazy expensive here and you'd have to win lotto to have something like an F150 Raptor (about AU$200K), but one of those definitely has a spot in the dream garage...

Mike Oxmall > KB Garage
11/24/2013 at 12:19

Shut up dude. Telling somebody how to use their truck is like telling somebody how to fuck their wife. Butt out. If I want to haul nothing more than a tall latte in my one ton diesel 4x4, that is my prerogative.

Mike Oxmall > KB Garage
11/24/2013 at 12:20

KB Garage > Mike Oxmall
11/24/2013 at 13:06

"Does driving a V10 truck that has never seen anything other than pavement make you happy? More power to you."

Nice reading comprehension fail, genius. I said I'm an advocate, meaning, it's what I like, therefore, my opinion.

You mad bro?

Vesuvius > KB Garage
11/24/2013 at 13:49

Lame vehicles and usually the guys that drive them tailgate and drive them aggressively. I call them Sideways hat coal guy

KB Garage > Vesuvius
11/24/2013 at 13:55

Ok, Sideways hat coal guy actually got an audible chuckle from me.

DropTopEnvy > iLikeCarsAndSkiing
11/24/2013 at 16:40

You might as well buy a new one.. new pentastar engine with 285 hp, better mileage, better interior.. Same price.

haier2 > KB Garage
11/24/2013 at 21:03

Kinja'd!!!

Speaking right to me. I've moved on from cardom, got this guy as a cheap Craigslist buy and am building it up as we speak. Next up: suspension lift. I still love me some cars but there is something to be said about sitting up high and not worrying about speeding tickets constantly.

KB Garage > haier2
11/24/2013 at 21:22

I love it. That's exactly what mine looked like before all that mess you see up top. Congrats.

iLikeCarsAndSkiing > DropTopEnvy
11/24/2013 at 21:32

I will probably end up doing that... Thanks!

WhyRovers > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
11/25/2013 at 12:00

So do I. Well, except no brush guard. Love taking my car off-road. And I drive it to work everyday.

KB Garage > iLikeCarsAndSkiing
01/16/2014 at 18:45

Hey! I know I'm digging up an old thread. Haven't seen you around or I just wasn't paying attention. Did you ever make a decision on a new ride?

iLikeCarsAndSkiing > KB Garage
01/16/2014 at 23:17

Hey man! Funny you ask because I am hopefully going to sell my car tomorrow! Someone is coming down to look at it one more time and then make a deal (hopefully). I know I was leaning towards the Jeep, although I decided to go the e46 M3 route. Found one with under 35k miles and in pristine condition! I will update you when I get it. Definitely going to get a Wrangler some day though...

KB Garage > iLikeCarsAndSkiing
01/16/2014 at 23:22

Awesome! I hope you post about it. Congrats! I love that car too. Maybe I'm to open minded. Probably not.

iLikeCarsAndSkiing > KB Garage
01/16/2014 at 23:28

Hahah I doubt it! Im pretty excited, but just praying I don't run into too many issues. Are/were you ever looking for a 1er?

KB Garage > iLikeCarsAndSkiing
01/16/2014 at 23:38

Was. Til I got the new wrangler unlimited.